


69-G

by dorkylokifan



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bisexual Thor, Fluff, M/M, Speed Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 05:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13541178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkylokifan/pseuds/dorkylokifan
Summary: Thor goes to a speed dating party where none of the people he's paired with are able to compete with the man he met at the start of the evening. Fluffiness.





	69-G

Thor didn’t know what the hell he was doing here. His buddy Fandral had talked him into this ridiculous dating party after his break-up with Jane. It was a massive event. The Hotel Chamberlain’s ballroom had been rented out and over five hundred people were registered for tonight. The fee to sign-up had been $1000, guaranteeing only people with a certain level of income could attend. A clipboard with a card was thrust into his hands. The card was blue, identifying him as male. He filled it out with his name and other identifiers, but at the top he paused. There were two boxes and he could only check one. Gay or Straight. Thor frowned. He was bisexual and had hoped to meet a variety of people from both genders tonight and now had to choose which way he wanted to go.  Thor checked the Straight box and thrust it into the hands of a mousy little staff member, and took his badge number.

                It was 69-S.

                “Um, excuse me? But, could I have a different number? I mean, some people might want this number. It is a good icebreaker, but it’s not really what I’m going for.”

                “I’m sorry, sir I can’t do that.”

                “Why not?”

                “It’s policy, sir.”

                “But all you have to do is just fish out a different one and give it to me.”

                “We already have you registered as this number in our file system,” the girl said. Thor walked away in a huff. He already knew how all of his conversations tonight were going to start. For the amount of money everyone paid to be here, the disorganization was unacceptable. The tables were color coded but there were so many of them that some colors repeated and in various shades. Dark blue, light blue, violet, and lavender.

                Thor’s instruction card placed him at the pink table in seat 19. The tables were long and narrow with chairs on one side and bench seats on the other side. People in odd seats could easily slide over until they hit the end and had to run up to the front while people on the even side stayed still.  The end of the table was filling up quickly with people, but Thor noted that they were all men, and they were sitting on the wrong side.

                “Hello,” said a rich male voice. A tall slender man pulled out the chair across from him and gracefully seated himself. His clear blue eyes laughed at him, as did the pleased smile that graced his lips. “You must be my first date. I’m Loki,” he said.

                “I’m Thor,” he said smiling. Their eyes danced over each other assessing and appreciative, but Loki’s smile disappeared when he saw Thor’s badge number.

                “Number 69-S?”

                “You’re number 69-G! I wonder what the letter stands for,” Thor said.

                “Straight and Gay. I’m sorry darling, but I do believe you are sitting in the wrong section.”

                “Oh,” Thor said and cursed inwardly. “Perhaps I checked the wrong box.”

                “Did you now?” Loki quirked a doubtful brow at him.

                “I’ve been in relationships with men before, but my most recent partner was a girlfriend. The cards, they assume that people are one or the other.”

                “Ah. Well, that is a shame,” Loki purred as his hand brushed against Thor’s from across the table. “We have a few minutes at least to get to know one another before you have to move along. So…what do you prefer in a male partner vs a female partner?”

                “Men understand my needs better than women do, for obvious reasons. My last girlfriend always thought my morning wood meant that I was ready to go and she didn’t understand that it wasn’t a true erection. She just thought that I didn’t need foreplay.”

                “Ugh, that’s very selfish. I can see why she is your ex.”

                “One of many reasons, yes. Women don’t require the extensive preparation for penetrative sex that men do, but everything else that comes with them is like this giant bag of crazy cats,” Thor paused and smiled at Loki. “Tell me, what kind of man are you looking for?”

                “Big and strong, but not an asshole, a rarer combination than you’d imagine. You don’t use steroids do you?” Loki asked, staring at Thor’s large biceps. The blazer Thor wore barely accommodated them.

                “No, no this is all natural old-fashioned hard work. You don’t have to worry about roid rage with me,” Thor said. Normally Thor liked to ease into dating and revealing his vulnerabilities, but Fandral told him with speed dating, the whole point was to put your cards on the table and walk away.

                “Good,” Loki said, fidgeting with his hands. “You have kind eyes. I have trouble keeping boyfriends. I’ve been told by more than one that I can be neurotic.”

                “Impatient, you mean?” Thor asked with a teasing smile. Loki sighed, looking down at his fingernails which he suddenly found to be fascinating.

                “Yes.” He squared his shoulders and sighed, “To tell the truth, I am an impatient person. I won’t suffer slobs nor fools. I keep my promises and expect promises to be kept. And when I say I don’t like something, I mean it.”

                “Did some of your past boyfriends try to push your boundaries too far?” Thor asked. Loki looked away and chewed his bottom lip. “It’s ok. You don’t have to tell me that.”

                “No, it’s alright. It’s the whole point of this thing, yes? Give strangers the info dump and hope that you don’t manage to scare all of them away? To answer your question, they did. I like large men, you see. Finding men larger than me is hard, given my height. But I’m slender so, I have to search for men that are broader and stronger. But I like softness and gentleness, even sweetness. I need it. I know I can be a sharp and difficult person.”

                “One of the things I did like about Jane was her mercurial nature. The woman was a Nazi about being organized, but when I came home from work I felt light and stress-free. My home was my escape. It was an oasis because she made it so. She provided me discipline which bled over into my work habits and made me a better person.  It’s a shame she didn’t have a dick.”

                Loki chuckled and batted his eyes a bit. “I could whip you into shape if you like.”

                “Mm, I bet you could. You know what one of my most favorite things is?”

                “What’s that?”

                “Pink ruffled panties. I like to wear them on occasion. Being big, no one ever expects me to want to be soft or small. I never get to be the little spoon.”

                “Holding you would be a pleasure Thor,” Loki said. Thor’s heart fluttered in his chest. Loki looked like fragile glass wrapped in a prickly protective outer covering. Like sweet cactus fruit, pruning away the sharp edges was worth the effort to get to the treasure inside.

                “Well, hello! I think one of you is in my seat,” said a man with his name, Bill, emblazoned across the sticker on his shoulder.  The man wore a rich Italian suit, but all that money couldn’t buy him an ounce of grace. His bleach-white smile was far too large for his face and highlighted the perfectly spaced hair plugs jutting from his scalp. Almost everyone was seated now, with people still popping up here and there to get to the correct table.

                “Um, yes. I guess I better get to my seat,” Thor said. He got up and scanned the room, looking for the other pink table. Bill slipped into the spot across from Loki and ran his fingers through his Ken doll hair.

                “Hey! 69! Nice number,” Bill said. All joy left Loki’s face.

Thor found an open spot across from a woman with bleach blonde poodle hair, that looked dried and frizzed from too many chemicals. Within seconds she made a comment about his number and waggled her eyebrows at him. He’d definitely checked the wrong box.

The event organizer got up in front of the hall on his microphone and explained the rules. Each pairing had 2 minutes to win each other over. They would mark their cards and at the end of the evening those matches that showed mutual interest would be given contact information to arrange more dates.

After the first lady, Thor had the displeasure of meeting, the next one was a bit better.

“Oh man, that’s a shit number. Everyone is going to say the same joke,” she said, which made Thor smile. “I’m Darcy.”

                “Thor. I’m the Vice President of Borrson Industries, you?”

                “I’m the personal secretary for the CEO of Stark Industries.”

                “Ooh. You’re the enemy,” Thor teased.

                “Yeah. I think that’s hot,” she said, squeezing her large breasts together for Thor’s benefit. “You should come over to my office and fraternize with me some time. We could defile my boss’s desk.”

                “Kinky. So besides corporate espionage, what do you like to do for fun?”

                “Dance and go clubbing. Do you dance?”

                “In theory, but in practice, I’m not as coordinated as I imagine.”

                “Aw, that’s okay. No one will be looking at your two left feet,” she said. The buzzer dinged and Thor slid to the left and landed in front of another blonde.

                “Ooh, sixty-nine…” she said. Thor sighed. Her name was Amora, and she worked in Human Resources for Hammer Incorporated. She liked being spanked, giving head, and fucking in public places. The woman didn’t have an intimate bone in her body. The buzzer took forever to ding, and the next two women were equally unappealing.

                “The next man to make a joke about my badge number is getting castrated!” Thor heard Loki shout on the other side of the room. The volume in the room died down for a moment then picked up again as all eyes turned towards and then away from Loki. Thor chuckled and got up, leaving his female date alone. He walked over to Loki, who looked ready to commit murder. The glare he was leveling at his current date could grill a cheese sandwich. Thor stood behind the unfortunate man, and Loki looked up at him.

                “I’m leaving. Want to come home with me and be the big spoon?”

                “Are we having sex afterward?”

                “If you want.”

                “We’re not going to 69 are we?”

                “Fuck, no.”

                “Get me out of here.” Loki got up and the two men reached for one another, holding hands as they marched out of the hall.

 


End file.
